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I was battling with my thoughts, I was afraid of confrontation. With fear above all. I envied those who could bravely look an opponent in the eye. What if I embarrass myself? They can do it, I can’t. I can do it, they are naive….

This is what my internal dialogue used to look like in two topics – getting on roller coasters and facing conflict.

Conflict used to be something – a collision, disagreement, confrontation – that I wanted to avoid at all costs. It was best to sweep it under the rug, hide it in the closet. Maybe wait it out. Maybe it will pass on its own.

Roller coasters weren’t for me back then, I was afraid they would show that I’m not as brave as I think I am.

And that’s exactly why I started getting on roller coasters and looking for ways to resolve conflicts, to moderate them wisely.

Today I’ve made friends with roller coasters and conflicts, but not in a way that I seek them out, just that when they’re on the horizon, I don’t run away. I still feel my heart beating loudly, my breathing becomes shallow, muscles tense, but I know how to calm myself down. I’ve made friends with boxing breathing, mental training, thorough preparation, creating optimal conditions (which include having a proper meal).

This whole week I’m conducting workshops on conflict resolution – different groups, different companies, different countries, different languages – common denominator – we want to engage in conflict wisely.

And as always before a topic I like to discuss, I check if something interesting and new has appeared on the subject. Whether there’s something else I can share with participants.

And today I have my discovery in the topic of conflict resolution, endorsing every word spoken by Amanda Ripley:

• fear of being humiliated is the most powerful fuel igniting conflicts
• wise conflicts can teach, stupid ones are surprisingly predictable
• if we adopt the attitude – I wonder what I can learn about myself instead of – I know everything – we increase the probability of finding a solution
• maintaining a 5:1 ratio of positive experiences in the cup helps to jointly seek solutions in conflict…..

If you have space for a great conversation about research around conflict resolution – I recommend both Amanda Ripley’s book and the conversation in Coaching for Leaders (link attached).

Meanwhile, I wish us all unforgettable impressions from extreme experiences, so that after they end, we become stronger, wiser and in better relationships – with ourselves and with others.

I’ll return to my Baron at Efteling Theme Park Resort, even though it took several hours to get myself to go on that roller coaster. Breathing is salvation.

And what helps you face what’s uncomfortable because it causes conflict?