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“Kamila, I need you to help me look at the situation from last week differently. The situation really got me boiling…”

A sentence that came right after “good morning” in one of my recent sessions.

A sentence I hear quite often.

A sentence that carries openness to changing perspective — not the situation itself, because that has already happened. It’s not about finding who’s to blame or collecting evidence against someone else.

It’s a sentence that contains a desire to learn how to respond instead of react, to understand instead of ignore.

A sentence that’s usually followed by a story about what happened — and the coaching session becomes a pit stop, a space for wise retrospection, so that in future, similar situations, the person can respond more optimally, more wisely, more maturely. Especially when in a leadership role.

“Think like a scientist.” — I love this concept, which I first came across through Adam Grant. And it was exactly this concept that came riding in on a white horse (wearing a lab coat!) to help look at the situation differently — through a microscope, a kaleidoscope, and from a helicopter view.

My favorite questions for shifting perspective:

1. What arguments support the idea that the other person is right? (Not if there are any, not maybe, but assuming they definitely are — at least in their own mind.)
   It’s not an easy question — it can sting, because it might turn out that we, not “those others,” actually started the situation. It’s a look into our shadow.
2. What is this situation teaching me, warning me about, informing me of?
   If we looked at it not as something done to me, but as an external event, an observable phenomenon — just facts, viewed calmly — what is really there?
3. (From Joanna Chmura) — “And maybe it’s even for the better?”
   I love this question-sentence 🙂 When emotions run high, it’s hard to hear it, but once they settle, it often turns out that even from an unpleasant situation, benefits can emerge — and that’s not just painting the grass green or chasing a “silver lining.” It’s real.

That particular session — the one that inspired me to write this post — ended with an incredibly interesting use of an unpleasant situation to the benefit of the Coachee, her team, and even the organization. Because within that situation (and the organization itself) lay surprising and powerful potential.

Most sessions usually end with:
+5 points to mental resilience, calmer responses to future challenges, a bit of teflon against irritation (quote), less psychological game-playing, and — most importantly — deeper breathing, both at the end of the session and in facing the next challenges.

Because the world isn’t one-dimensional. Because it’s worth learning to look differently, to notice more broadly. Because it’s not always about us (in fact, the world rarely revolves around us, I’d say). Because everyone has a bad day or a tough moment, and it’s good to gain perspective and distance.

Talking things through with someone who can invite us to places we haven’t yet been mentally really helps.
So does a good night’s sleep and physical activity — to recharge the circuits.

It’s absolutely worth looking in a less obvious way. Thinking like a scientist pays off.

And you — when was the last time you thought like a scientist?
What are your tried and tested ways to zoom out, look at your shadow, and see things calmly — from another side?